Saturday, November 13, 2010

Guinness - By Nial O'Hanlon - 2002

Well after last night's defeat to the raiders I don’t feel much like writing about football.  So instead I will delve in to another of my favourite topics. BEER. Not just any beer the one and only our sponsor, yes folks you guinnessed it. Guinness! Since I started writing these pieces I have been inundated with countless questions about Guinness. Here are Some of the more interesting queries. 

Bruce Crouter Q. I have heard that it is possible to live on Guinness and milk alone. Is this true, or even partially true?

Niall A. This is not quite true. Guinness does contain many vitamins and minerals in small quantities, but is lacking vitamin C, as well as calcium and fat. So, to fulfill all of your daily nutritional requirements you would need to drink a glass of orange juice, two glasses of milk, and 47 pints of Guinness.

Bruce Crouter Q. Does Guinness make you better in bed or the
soccer pitch?

Niall A. Tough question Bruce. There is medical folklore about Guinness and stout, in general. In some countries, stout is seen as an aphrodisiac or as a beneficial bath for newborn babies. Since most research indicates the aphrodisiac effects are primarily psychological, there may be truth to the former. As for the pitch I think the ever improving Roadrunners answers that i.e. the more we drink the better we get.

Bruce Crouter Q. Is it true that if I am in hospital in Ireland I
can get myself some free Guinness.

Niall A. Yes
Bruce in Ireland, Guinness is still made available to blood donors and stomach and intestinal post-operative patients. Guinness is known to be high in iron
content. But I’d like to point out to you Bruce that a pint of the black stuff is only$5.50 in O’Hanlon’s whilst the flight to Ireland will set up back in the region of $1000.00.

You will have to stay in hospital in Ireland for a considerable time to make this idea of yours economically viable.

Bruce Crouter Q. Although when in Regina I always drink my Guinness in O’Hanlon’s, my duties as Roadrunner scout sometimes takes me to
the four corners of the earth. How do I go about finding another good Irish pub with good Guinness?

Niall A. Well Bruce you have asked real conundrum of a question this time. I will try to make my answer into points for you.

1 Choose your pub carefully. A pint of Guinness does not appreciate loud music, loud people or bright flashing lights.

2 Ask politely for a pint of Guinness. Depending on the pub, it is possible to catch the barman’s eye and mouth the word "pint", he will translate this accurately.

3 The barman will fill the glass between 70% and 80% capacity. It will then be put to the side for a few moments to allow it "to settle". Once the brownish liquid has almost turned to a solid black the barman will then fill the rest of the glass. NB: do not under any circumstances take the glass before it is filled. Some virgins seem to think that the settling stage is the final stage and walk away with an unfinished pint. At this point we Irish DO understand the predicament, but I assure you it causes endless mirth as well. (Remember the first we spoke Bruce you don’t want everyone laughing again now do we?)

4 Once you have received your pint, find a comfortable stool or seat, gaze with awe into the deep blackness, raise the pint to your mouth and take a large mouthful. Be firm.

5 A good pint can distinguished by a number of methods. A smooth, slightly off- white head is one, another is the residue left on the inside of the glass. These, surprise surprise, are known as rings. As long as they are there you know you’re okay. A science of rings is developing - the instance that comes to mind is determining a persons nationality by the number of rings (a ring is dependent on a swig of Guinness each swig leaving its own ring). An Irishman will have in the region of 5-6 rings (we pace ourselves), an Englishman will have 8-10 rings, an American will have 17-20 (they sip) and an Australian won't have any at all as they tend to knock it back in one go!

6 As you near the end of your pint, it is the custom to order another one. It is a well known fact that a bird does not fly on one wing. 

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